speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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