Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
