I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
