i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
