umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
