Pregnant stripper...not hot.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
