I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
