I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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