sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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