Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
