we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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