I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
