Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
either way he was missing a nipple.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
