checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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