It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
