Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
