proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I need a burrito and a hug.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I am never drinking with the goths again.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
