The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
