We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
