did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
