You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
