Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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