The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
