yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
