"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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