please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
