You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
