Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
