I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
