i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
