My liver just broke up with me...
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
