can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
what day is it and did you see me today?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
