sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
