I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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