Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
