i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Randomize
