I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
