also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Randomize
