Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Randomize
