he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
