Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
