My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
