I hate your face
Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
