So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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