ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
