You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
