who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
