how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
