Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
