I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
50% drunk capacity currently
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
