Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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